


All Homo; No Romo

by AFireInTheAttic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Charity Auctions, Multimedia, Non-binary character, Other, Social Media, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFireInTheAttic/pseuds/AFireInTheAttic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ted suggested we auction off dates," Kira scowls.<br/>“That’s corny,” Malia says thoughtfully.<br/>Ne nods emphatically. “That’s what I said! But then Ted thought I was being defensive and Renee remembered that time I mentioned not having dated anyone since college and they all decided I needed to be one of the dates auctioned off.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Homo; No Romo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Suzan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzan/gifts).



> Malia is agender and uses they/them/their/theirs/themself.
> 
> Kira is non-binary and uses ne/nem/nir/nirs/nemself.
> 
> Ted is Greenberg. I didn't decide this until later. ha.

Malia jerked awake when the door slammed shut. They sat up from where they were sitting at the couch, filled with the alertness that always comes when sleep is cut short like this. They’re a little bleary, but that’s normal. “Kira?” they call. They hope it’s Kira--they’re really not in the mood to fight any intruders.

“It’s me,” ne calls, sounding somewhat strangled. Nir voice sounds like ne’s still by the door, which doesn’t make a lot of sense--Malia can’t see nem. But with a little effort, they can see that ne’s sprawled on the floor, somewhat dramatically--or maybe hopelessly would be a better word for it.

“Are you okay?” they ask doubtfully.

Kira sighs and props nemself up. “I’ve made a terrible mistake,” ne says forlornly.

This is a code the two of them had developed a while back. It meant a couple things, all at once--”I need ice cream,” “Can we order takeout instead of cooking something healthy?” and, the most important, “Please turn on Criminal Minds so I can be distracted by the tragic lives and deaths of fictional characters instead of whatever terrible mistake I made that put me in my current situation.”

Dutifully, Malia hooks their laptop up to the TV and starts Criminal Minds playing on Netflix. They pick a regular, non-creepy episode--well, as non-creepy as serial killers can be. Basically, no real life mask-wearing slashers. Just a dude who went after blondes for whatever reason. “What kind of takeout are you thinking?” they ask.

From the floor, Kira says, “Thai, please.”

Malia knows Kira’s order perfectly, especially on nights like these. Ne likes wonton soup and deep fried rice balls. And of course, hor moke--they like all of these things, too, but they’ll order regular cashew chicken for themselves and let nem hoard all the hor moke. They’ll steal soup and rice balls, though. They place the order, grab Kira’s favorite blanket, and wait on the couch.

Kira eventually does make it across the room. Ne strips out of nir clothes as ne goes, first removing nir jacket and then nir shoes. Nir pants are draped over the couch and nir bra gets thrown across the room. “I love this episode,” ne says, sighing and wrapping the blanket around nemself.

This is a code, too. Not the undressing--although that does mean that Malia will have to answer the door when the takeout arrives--but while the two of them do love Criminal Minds, neither of them have particularly strong feelings about any episodes in particular. (Well, that’s not totally true. Kira gets really heated when it comes to the episode with the JJ and Will reveal. If it’s brought up, ne goes on about how JJ really reads as a lesbian and that marriage with a guy she was uncomfortable around in every episode they were shown makes literally no sense.)

So saying that ne loves the episode really means, “I’m not ready to talk yet.”

Which is fine with Malia. The two of them settle in and watch the episode.

Malia had spent most of the day at home. It was a rare day off from their job at the advertising firm they worked at, and if they were living with anyone else they might have been embarrassed by the mess they’d accumulated by spending the day on the couch. As it was, Kira was shamelessly drinking from their half full cup of chocolate milk, apparently unconcerned by the small pile of trash on the coffee table.

It was really nice to live with Kira like this. Their friends were always trying to get the two of them to date, which could get annoying, but Kira never made Malia feel bad about it.

Well, once ne’d asked if Malia wanted to date nem. But ne hadn’t seemed disappointed when they said they didn’t feel that way. So Malia supposed that was fine.

The food arrives midway through the episode. Malia pays and tips the guy while Kira collects the junk food wrappers and balls them up before tossing them into the small trashcan in the corner of the room.

Kira finishes nir hor moke first. While ne’s spooning some of the wonton soup into nir bowl, ne says, “You know how we’re always trying to do more creative fundraising at work?”

They nod. The non-profit where Kira works has tried a number of different things over the last year. Galas, dinners, chocolate bar sales--they were willing to try it all. And Kira, who was on the fundraising team but not in a leadership position, often ended up working these events, even if ne hated the idea.

“Well...Ted suggested we auction off dates.”

“That’s corny,” Malia says thoughtfully.

Ne nods emphatically. “That’s what I said! But then Ted thought I was being defensive and Renee remembered that time I mentioned not having dated anyone since college and they all decided I needed to be one of the dates auctioned off.”

Neither of them had really dated since college. Malia and Stiles had broken things off when Stiles had dropped out of college to enroll in the police academy and Malia had decided to stay put. The two of them were still friends, of course, but Malia didn’t really mourn the loss of their relationship with him. It was something they had for a long time, and then they didn’t. The two of them still skyped and texted to keep up with each other, and sometimes they hooked up if they were in the same town, but...they were fine separate, too.

Anyway, Malia likes being single. They have all the emotional support they need from their friends and, honestly, they prefer to have their queen-sized bed to themself. Perks of being a full-blooded aro, as far as they were concerned.

Kira hasn’t dated anyone since Scott broke things off with nem. It wasn’t like it was a bad breakup or anything...the two of them just had different goals. Kind of like Malia and Stiles, only Malia got the feeling that things were a little awkward between them--at least recently. They can’t put their finger on why.

The thing is, Malia doesn’t want to date. They have no idea whether or not Kira wants to date anyone. The two of them haven’t really discussed it very much at all. Malia’s never put the pressure on Kira and Kira has never pressured them.

But whether or not Kira wants to go out...it’s not like ne wants to date someone who’s gonna buy nem. It’s daunting. Malia can appreciate that.

“What if a creep buys my date? Or--God--what if no one wants to buy a date with me and then Ted makes fun of me forever?”

They wrinkle their nose. “Ted really sucks.”

Ne shrugs, sinking back into the couch. Miserably, they eat a rice ball. “I want to die so I don’t have to find out.”

Nodding, Malia cuddles up to Kira. “That’s the spirit.”

* * *

  

* * *

“So, bad news,” Kira says when ne gets home from work a week later. Ne’s holding grocery bags and doesn’t pause before heading into the kitchen, except to kick of nir shoes.

Malia sets down their laptop on the coffee table and follows nem into the kitchen. “Let me guess. Ted is insisting that you guys serve only meat dishes, even though vegetarian options are basically a required thing at this point.”

“Well, yeah,” ne says, pulling carrots out of one of the bags. “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

They come to stand next to Kira and start helping nem unpack the groceries to be put away. They’re not sure what could possibly make Kira so nervous--since deciding that Malia would buy the date with Kira, ne’s actually been really calm about the whole thing. Well, as calm as ne can be when Ted Greenberg is still able to make some of the decisions in event planning. It’s not that he’s incompetent...he’s just annoying. “Is it Ted’s fault?” they hazard.

“No,” ne sighs. “It’s Renee. She wants to require formal attire for the event.”

“How formal?” Malia wonders. While they don’t mind being perceived as female by people who don’t know them, they do detest wearing dresses. They’ll wear “girl” clothes like shorts or blouses, but dresses? They draw the line there.

“I’m trying to talk them into something at least a little casual. I’ll have to wear a dress for sure, but I’m pushing for a cocktail dress instead of a ball gown, you know?” ne sighs and stretches onto nir toes to put the spaghetti into the cabinet. “I definitely don’t want to ask you to dress up into something you don’t like.”

Malia considers their closet. Most of it is more business casual than any sort of party wear, but surely they could come up with something. “It will be okay. I’m not abandoning you because of an outfit.”

“I don’t want to cause you dysphoria,” Kira says nervously. Ne twists nir hands in front of nem and frowns up at Malia. “You don’t deserve that.”

Malia shrugs. “I’ll survive. Just try to get them to tone down the dress and I’ll show up in whatever is required, okay? It will be great.”

* * *

* * *

In the end, it’s not really _great_ , but Malia makes it to the party in an outfit that doesn’t make them want to die. The jumpsuit looks cute on them--well, Lydia’s words had been “sexy as hell”--and they’re not feeling as weird as they could have been. The legs of the suit are weirdly loose and they’re not wearing a binder--which they like to do, when they go out partying--but at least it’s not a dress that flounces around their thighs.

Kira did win out over Ted when it came to the food, Malia was glad to see--they had picked out the vegetarian option and it was delicious. Eggplant parmesan was one of their favorite meals. They didn’t get to cook it often, either, often too tired from work to make such a complex meal. More often than not, Malia and Kira ended up eating spaghetti and salad.

But this is some good shit.

Renee is emceeing tonight, apparently. Around eight, after everyone has been eating and chatting for a while, she stands up and says, “Hello and happy Valentine’s Day!”

Which was funny, really--since realizing they were aromantic, Malia hadn’t celebrated Valentine’s Day except for occasionally going to bars and picking up single people who wanted to fuck to forget that they were single. It worked out for them. But this year Malia had been so focused on the upcoming Date Auction, they hadn’t even remembered to plan for V-Day. Oh well.

Kira was sitting on stage, looking bored out of nir mind. Ne had winked at Malia from across the room during dinner, all while fluttering around making sure things were okay.

Ne looked beautiful in nir silver dress, which glittered in the light. It had a single strap across one shoulder. Nir hair was swept up in a glorious updo which ne’d done nemself. Ne was lovely, as usual.

Renee is talking and Malia has been totally distracted the entire time. They tune back in.

“...for these reasons, we believe it is extremely important to provide more computers for children in our inner-city public schools, right here in America. Thank you all for your support tonight. Without further adieu, I’ll start the auction!”

There are a couple dates up for bid before Kira’s, so Malia allows their thoughts to drift.

The hall looks amazing. All of the tables have golden centerpieces lit up with small strings of fairy lights. The stage is lined with flower garlands--big white flowers that look like lilies. It looks almost like a wedding, which is pretty--they wonder who was in charge of the decorations? They did a great job, in Malia’s opinion.

Idly, they pull out their phone and look through facebook. Whoever is over social media has already uploaded pictures of people arriving. Malia’s picture has been posted, too--they admire the deep vee of their jumpsuit and make a mental note to compliment Lydia later. They look utterly fuckable. Which wasn’t exactly a particular goal for them, but they like it anyway.

“And next up, you can bid on a date with Kira Yukimura! Starting bid of 50$--do I hear 50$?”

Malia raises their number--35--and smile up at Kira, who’s hands are twisting lightly at nir skirt. No one would notice unless they were paying attention and really, it’s second nature for Malia to keep an eye on nem.

A couple other people bid after that and the price edges up to 125, which is about where the others had topped off. On a whim, Malia tosses up their number and call out, “150$.”

That causes a few cheers, which makes Malia grin. Someone else hollers, “155$!”

Nuh-uh. Malia didn’t come to nickel and dime it up--they came to win! “200$!”

Now people are whooping. Whoever had raised the bet had backed down now. Malia feels pretty smug about it, even if it does mean that their budget will be a little tight until their next paycheck. Whatever. They’d been prepared to spend up to 300 tonight. They’d saved up enough that they could manage it--just barely. It’s worth it to keep Kira happy.

Onstage, Kira’s blushing bright red, but beaming at Malia. Nir eyes seem to shine in the light, glittering almost as much as nir dress.

Malia winks at nem.

Ne winks back.

“Number 35 wins the date!” Renee announces, when no one else seems willing to bid higher.

Malia grins. Victory.

* * *

* * *

“So where do you want to go on our date?” Kira asks when they make it back home. They’ve both stripped out of their party clothes and are curled up on the couch in their underwear. “We have a 30$ Visa gift card to spend anywhere.”

Malia considered it. “Do you want to order pizza and stay home?”

Laughing, ne nods. “I can’t believe you spent 200 dollars to stay home and watch Criminal Minds with me.”

“Who said anything about Criminal Minds?” they ask, winking. “I was thinking something more like... I don’t know, Buffy?”

Ne snorts. “That’s really gay.”

“I’m really gay. Anyway, I only paid 170, if you think about it. And think about how many pizzas we can get with 30$? At least three.”

“That is pretty great.” Kira is quiet for a while, curling in tighter and looking thoughtful. Nir bra is strapless and pink, with beige lace over the cups. Malia briefly wonders how the bra is staying up, and then remembers that they probably shouldn’t be checking Kira’s boobs out so obviously. They don’t want to fuck anything up with their friendship, or worse, make Kira think they have feelings that they don’t.

“Hey, Malia?” ne says, drawing them out of their reverie. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

Ne frowns and traces a line up nir leg thoughtfully. Ne looks up at Malia and asks, “How did you know you were aro?”

Malia contemplates this carefully. Everyone’s aro experience is different, they know, but theirs had been pretty simple. “I was just...looking online at some stuff and the definition for aromanticism came up. When I read it, it just made sense. Stuff that I’d been feeling weird about suddenly seemed...normal.”

“Oh,” Kira says, face clearing. “Then… Maybe I am, too?”

Malia smiles. That definitely makes things a lot easier. “I love you. No romo.”

Kira punches them in the arm. “Shut up.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> In case it isn't clear, Malia is tatertot on instagram. 
> 
> ALSO--Malia says they're gay but they mean it in an umbrella term way--in reality, they're probably pansexual.


End file.
